Are You a Third World Dictator trapped in the body of a middle-aged accountant, corporate wage-slave, pitiless undergraduate or bored housewife?

Well, you’ve come to the right place. The New Imperialist will desecrate the Gods of the woke citadel, expose the lies of The Enlightenment and light the lamps in the New Dark Age.

A Hearty welcome to the naughty step!

Alexander Shaw, Editor

Port of Piraeus, February 2023

Submission Guidelines

Refinement is a total waste of time on the internet.

Administering truth is triage. We help the ones we can and give last rites to the dying. If your views are: based, hardline, retrogressive, uncompromising, individualistic and frankly rather unpleasant, then our team of certified professionals want to hear from you! 🐱 🐱 🐱

Shock us with predictions, titillate us with policy proposals, buoy our spirits with tales of escapism and debauchery! For our editorial thrust:

  • Describe things in terms of motives rather than narratives.
  • Assume hypocrisy rather than cynicism. Conspiracy theories are for people who smoke pot.
  • Recognise that every culture maintains its delusions, the path of least resistance for the greatest number of people being to maintain them.
  • Appealing to the experience of your reader is more convincing than appealing to data, studies, or ‘peer reviewed’ opinions. A ‘growing body of evidence’ can usually be found to support any hypothesis that is not completely disprovable.
  • For now, you can hit me up on instagram or facebook.
  • Keep it brief or stick it in a video. 500 words is about the attention span for people educated since the end of the Cold War. 80 since the invention of the smartphone.
  • Ask yourself ‘is this going to annoy someone somewhere?’ If not, go and write for an airline brochure instead.

How small, of all that human hearts endure, that part that laws or kings can cause or cure!

Oliver Goldsmith